I feel like every time I do one of these quick take Friday updates, it’s mainly because I want to tell all my readers out there: Yes! Still alive over here! Still interested in this here blog!
But…life. Life happens, and kids need tending too, and preschool starts, and vacations come up, and RCIA starts, and stuff, and stuff, and stuff.
ALSO: ME. I get in my own way a lot.
I talk a big game about “resistance” here sometimes, but you guys…I get real defeated about this blog a whole lot. If you see me disappear for a while, it’s probably (yes) because life has gotten a bit busy, but also because I have let the concept of blogging get in my way.
I don’t know if you know this, but blogging is a lot of work! I really, really love sharing my faith in writing, but when pouring yourself into something requires a ton of work and not a lot of payoff (i.e. people don’t respond in the way you want them to)…it becomes exhausting. Then I start questioning why I even bother.
Another thing with blogging is how much goes into it. Especially with IMAGE. So, you want to be a blogger? Well, you better be up to date on Facebook, and Instagram, and twitter, and Pinterest, and email, and goodness knows….everything else! In other words, you have to be internet present.
The huge problem? I don’t like always being internet present! I’m not great at imaging, and my outfits are not always on point. I don’t rush my kids from amazing activity to the next, ready with my camera in hand to share it with the world. It’s too hard for me. I’m not present with my kids when I do that, and I’m not really any good at it anyways. I always find it incredibly insane that there are these thousands of moms out there that seem to have it all together, and that their hair is well-styled, their clothes fit them perfectly, and most significantly THAT THEIR 7 KIDS ALL POSE FOR ONE PICTURE at one time! I seriously can’t sit down with my two crazy munchkins and take a nice picture to save my life.
It’s just so rare that that happens, and it’s so time consuming.
After the 457th take…good, but blurry.
I know it’s an image people present to speak to a certain audience, but I’m over here in my Rocky T-shirt and sweat shorts, strutting my kids to the same ol’ usual three spots (the zoo, the park, or the library), sometimes feeling a little less-than.
How stupid is that?
I know I’m whining and maybe you’re thinking, so quit. Believe me. I’ve thought about it. But the thing is: I love writing. I love putting my faith into words and putting that out into the world for people to read.
I just really don’t love the self-promotion game. There is so much networking in blogging that sometimes it feels as if I’m back in high school watching the cool kids be cool from a far, while I choose to be not so cool, hiding out in plain sight in my Modernaire show-choir uniform just to prove the point that I don’t have to be cool to be “cool.”
I also get so frustrated that it feels as though sometimes our faith even feels manufactured, well-packaged, and “pretty”–because it’s not always like that. Sometimes faith is hard. Sometimes it’s hard to pray, and hard to feel your sense of worth in God’s eyes, and when everything out there seems to be everything I am not…I sometimes just want to take a step back.
The problem is, I want my stuff to be relevant! I want my voice to be heard! So what do you do when you’re a person who doesn’t want to try too hard, but the game you’re in requires you try a whole lot…?
You try, try, again.
I’m learning slowly that in order to be relevant, and in order to speak to a larger audience, I have to be okay with a little self-promotion.
But, what I’ve also come to realize is that I have to know who I am promoting.
Am I manufacturing an image of myself and my family that is unreal, or am I promoting my true self?
I hope you know that I’m striving for the latter.
I don’t want to be unreal on here. I want to be as real as real can be, and I guess me pouring this out to you is me opening up about how hard this all can be. If I’m not posting, or writing it’s not ever because I don’t want to be. It’s because I’m struggling to find a balance between being real in real-life, and allowing readers and instagramers into that picture.
How much is too much? How little is too little?
It takes a little balancing to figure out.
With all this going on in my head, I’ve been blessed to simultaneously be hit at random with a lot of inspiration about pursuing dreams. I’ve heard it said a lot lately–from a few really cool people I admire–that the pursuit of dreams is totally worth it. Even when it’s extremely difficult and doesn’t seem worth it. Sticking with it is a huge part of success.
But really, these cool and successful people I admire are just repeating to me what I’ve already been taught by my amazing, hard-working, and successful Grandfather. He’s been telling me that since I was a kid. (I guess it’s time to listen, Grandpa!)
My dream? To share my faith and the love of God with the world.
If you love what I’m doing, great! Thank you so much for reading. Please stay tuned, subscribe, email me, or follow me on Instagram. (I’ll do my best to keep it real and up to date!)
If you aren’t quite that interested in what I’ve got going on over here, or you’d like to hear more about a particular subject, or if you have any suggestions for how this blog can more aptly speak to you, please let me know! Comment below or email me!
While I love that writing is an outlet for me, I hope just the same that this place becomes a safe-haven for you. I hope what I do speaks to those who read it. If you have questions about the faith, are wondering something about Catholicism, want to know more about how I live my life as a Catholic wife and mom, or anything else…please let me know! I’d love your feedback!
Alright, thank you for letting me ramble. I try not to do that a whole lot on here, but maybe I should do it a bit more—let you know where my sometimes scatterbrained brain takes me.
Here’s a quick peak into what we’ve been up to lately, some filtered (from instagram), some not:
From our recent vacation to California:
Eli Starting School:
Just a few from our crazy life:
“Mommy, will you get me out of this dummy chair? I’m stuck.”
Lots of Love,